How to Fail in Viva | Stand-Up Comedy by Mohd Suhel (With Lyrics)

This is a Made-Up Story. For enquiries or bookings: [email protected] Recorded at Canvas Laugh Club(5th/6th May 2018) Special Thanks: Mayur Vemula Comic Calling Me on Stage: Sapan Verma "I poke my head out of the gutter for one freakin' second, and fate shovels shit in my face."- Ken Rosenberg Social Media Links: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/suhelbaz/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/suhelbaz Twitter: https://twitter.com/suhelbaz Lyrics Translation: Thanks. so I'm not smart, I'm dumb like I'm so dumb whenever i write something on whatsapp it doesn't say suhel is typing it says suhel is trying. so.. thanks. so normally when people laugh comedians get happy, I have a problem with it. because I started doing this 6 months ago and first time I was really nervous so I burped on stage. and people thought it was a joke so they started laughing and i thought that's it I'm a comedian now. so i got overconfident and stopped going to college. for the next 6 months i was just coming on stage and burping on the mic and people were laughing so i was not going to college. then 6 months later my teacher called me and said come tomorrow for practicals. i said which practical? she said tell me your batch number. i said which batch? she said tell me your roll number. i said i don't know my roll number. she said if you don't even know your roll number then don't come. so i didn't go. then some guy from college texted me saying bro you haven't participated in college festival. i said i haven't been to college for 6 months do you think i will come to college fest? he replied with i'll put you up for Antakshari (Indian game)? so i blocked him. i mean my college is so weird. who keeps antakshari in a college fest? Is the fest happening in the college or a bus? so i was doing this joke yesterday and a guy came up to me after the show and said “Please continue your education, what are you doing with your life? Why haven’t you gone for the past 6 months? i was like chill its just a joke.. i haven't been to college for a year now. it was 6 months when i wrote this joke i'm not updating the joke because i'm really dumb and if i change it i have to relearn the whole thing. he said right. so i blocked him too. i didn't even know his number just blocked him in my head. like i'm so dumb i failed in viva and nobody fails in that. like in my college history no one has failed a viva exam. but i'll tell you the reason why i failed. so every viva they used to take viva by roll calls and students adjacent to my number were smart. so i used to copy whatever they were saying. even if they asked me a different question. they were like at least he's talking and they passed me. but in the last viva that i failed the teacher who came was weird. he didn't call us by name or anything he just pointed at 3 random student you,you,you come for viva! and when he chose us, all of us looked at each other and knew that no one is smart in this group. We’re gonna get screwed! but one guy was smart. i mean he wasn't smart he was just smart when compared to us two. so smart one said let's at least memorize all chapter's name if we know nothing we'll just recite chapters name and maybe we'll get passing marks. but the problem was none of us was smart enough to remember 9 names so we decided we'll remember 3 names each. so we went and he asked some questions and we were just silent waiting when will he ask chapter's name? but he asked the subject's name. and none of us knew which subject this was. i mean we knew the name but didn't know the full form. he asked whats the name of the subject? we said eccf. he said and full form? we said eccf. he got angry and said yes and eccf stands for... i said national anthem. he said what's the full form of eccf? so one guy who was smart who wasn't actually smart he was just smart in 3 of us. he raised his hand. teacher said why are you raising your hand there's only 3 of you and you guys haven't answered anything just say whatever you know. so he said e for electronics. and teacher said GREAT. all 3 of you have successfully answered 25% of this difficult question. you can go now. but i was the only one who failed so i went to my class teacher and said why only me there were 3 of us why only i failed? and she said those 2 were peons. teacher was weird and he pointed at them to come for viva so they were just playing along. so one last thing before i go...i'm gonna go now. thanks.