Thanks | Stand-Up Comedy by Mohd Suhel

Another fictional video. Upcoming Shows: https://linktr.ee/suhelbaz For enquiries or bookings: [email protected] Shot at Standup Labs (30th April 2019) Special Thanks - Christopher Baretto, Ameya Deshpande "Nobody is watching anybody watching nobody." - Mike Toreno Translation: So, a couple of days back I uploaded a video online. Did anyone watch it? No, right? I upload videos so that nobody watches them. I ask people from the audience at every show if they've watched my video and they always say no. Because the people who watch my video on YouTube never come to watch me perform live. That person has lost all faith in comedy. I'm telling you I'm actually a poet. I'm doing comedy so that I can convert the comedy audience to poetry audience. When people watch me, they're like, "A poem would've been better than this." So, I uploaded a video online to become famous. But, that did not happen. I mean, I uploaded my video and then I got 5000 views in 1 week. From those 5000, 4000 were mine. I kept refreshing to check the views but the YouTube algorithm doesn't understand this. They kept counting it as a view. So then I told my family about the video and asked them to watch it. So even they started refreshing to check the views. We're all watching the video amongst ourselves. It's not going anywhere. Then later, it slowly got 1 million views. But it didn't have any impact on my life. The only difference is that before I used to get 4 abuses in a day and now I get 400 abuses in a day. And each one of them is creative. I mean, one person has commented on my video saying, "Who gave the mic to this dildo with a moustache?" And that comment was still fine because it was related to the video. Otherwise people comment anything. People comment unrelated things on my video. Like, the other day, somebody commented, "Oye, I left the geyser on." So then I replied to him, "Go, switch it off, it'll burst and you'll die and then you won't be able to comment again also.' One person commented on my video saying, "My mom has asked me to get coriander, I'm going to get it. I'll watch the video after coming back." So you might as well comment later, you dumbfuck. One person has commented saying, "This guy is wifey material." I didn't know the meaning of it so I researched and when I found out it's meaning, I got very offended. You guys didn't understand this, it's ok. So, these comments were still fine because they weren't THAT negative. Look, the train is agreeing too. So, you'll keep hearing the train sound. I had a joke on this but I won't do it because I don't have the time. So, negative comments were very unique. One person wrote, "The death of Rajiv Gandhi is funnier than this." "My cat is funnier than this" "My geyser is funnier than this." "Inzamam Ul Haq is funnier than this." "Silence is funnier than this." It is. I just proved it. So, one guy's comment was so good that I had to take a print out of it. I've got it. "This guy has no talent, he just repeats the same thing again and again and again." x2 One guy got so angry at my video that he flagged it for child pornography. One person started a petition to ban my video and that petition has more views than my video. I mean, people are watching my video and they're like, "Ya, ban this guy." But you guys don't get serious. None of this is real. I made it all up. Only i have so much creativity. I was the one who wrote the coriander comment. Will you guys ever find a comedian who calls himself a 'dildo with a moustache?' I mean it. This is not a print out. This is just my Communication Skills question paper. I had failed in this subject. Not because I didn't know what they were teaching but because I knew that what they were teaching was wrong. They were teaching 9th standard Grammar instead of Communication Skills. I mean you know how they say, "don't talk to that guy" "Why?" "Because he doesn't know how to write an informal letter." So, I had to make these fake comments because I cannot do the real comments at my shows because they're just downright sad. Like this one comment said, "Son, do whatever you want but Modi will be back in power in 2019." Most of the comments were very stupid. Like, 80% of the comments on my video were from Bhopal. And all of them were, "is this guy from Bhopal?" And every other comment is a reply to that - "Yes, this guy is from Bhopal" And I'm not even from Bhopal. They're not even asking me. They're just deciding amongst themselves. "Are you from Bhopal?" So I didn't understand how this happened. So I started reading my own comments and that's when I realised that in one of my jokes, I referenced to Chunnabhatti which is a place in Mumbai. Apparently, there is also a place in Bhopal called Chunnabhatti...(Full translation in link below) Full Translation: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1gks8SskRAL8xfkRnmslRYIpB4ThSeRdx/view?usp=sharing